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There are just some things I hear at McDonald’s that make me think, “Did they really just say that? So much for that customer, she won’t be coming back for a long time.” These are the things that make you wonder why people go to fast food joints, and why the FDA hasn’t shut them down yet. Well here are those things that you won’t shouldn’t hear at the McDonald’s in your neighborhood. (What do I have against McDonald’s of all places?)

Reading this is pretty simple, just take the big phrase and put it in front of the smaller phrases below it. If you work at a store feel free to use these. Bonus points if you record it and send it to me. Extra bonus points if you are a customer and manage pull something like this off.

“Welcome to McDonald’s…”

• “would you like to have my babies?”
• “would you like to try our new Big N’ Nasty burger?”
• “how may I annoy you?”
• “how dead would you like your cow?”
• “please do a back flip. No, seriously, do one.”

“So thats one Big Mac Meal…”

• “would you like a cat with that?”
• “in tall, grande, or venti?”
• “uh… can you even eat all that?”
• “here is a complementary barf bag.”
• “will that be going to your hips or your thighs?”

From the Grill Team:

• “I hope you didn’t see that…”
• “Which one of these did we drop on the ground?”
• “Eeny Meeny Miney Moe…”
• “Hey you! Yeah, customer person, wanna see my grease buckets?”
• “Hahaha! The customer is going to love this!
• “Hey this one is still alive!” “Mooooo!”