Rashy.org

A little bit ago the RIAA’s lawyers proposed a model for economics in the United States. Keep in mind that these are lawyers proposing the model, and not economists. So naturally, everything is slanted. Give me a lawyer who hasn’t sold out his soul and ethics and I’ll show you a redneck that doesn’t drink beer. Their model was pretty straight forward and it made sense… if you are a drunk or a music industry big shot. We’d better put on the beer goggles to make sense out of it.

Their theory: when you steal an album, the profits that the music industry would have made might have gone into purchasing more studio equipment and would have allowed more bands to get studio time. Basically a cascading of events that spreads money to everyone, thus the world is happy. Something like this (click for a larger version):

Well like much of the rest of the internet, I believe that the RIAA and its lawyers have their heads stuff more full of bung than a Thanksgiving turkey. And you know those Thanksgiving turkey’s… I once stuck one into my car’s gas tank and got 5 miles a pound with it. Well anyways, if the RIAA is in the position to create economic models, then I figured I could create one myself. I present to you the “Common Man’s Common Sense Flowchart on Common Economics!” also known as “I Thought of all the Stupid Little Stuff and Put it in to Make it Look Bigger Flow Chart” or the “I Was Too Tired to Think of A Good Title and Now I Am Too Lazy To Go Back and Change It” flow chart.

Essentially it says that if I don’t buy a music CD, then I could buy a carton of milk and do much more to help the world’s economy. In fact, at $3.00 per gallon, I could get 5 gallons of milk and feed an Asian family for a month. I think it is funny. The RIAA is screaming bloody murder over the amount of money and the number of jobs lost to piracy each year. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. As you can see in my beautiful flow chart, money isn’t being lost to piracy, its just being spent on more worthwhile things.

What does that make the RIAA? Liars? Crooks? Misguided toads blindly led by the executives who are slowly coming to realize that they are sinking in their own feces while the rest of the world watches and laughs? Perhaps it will remain a mystery, just like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

I don’t quite understand the basis of all their frustrations and witch hunts. A Canadian study recently showed that piracy actually helps the sales of albums. The RIAA’s answer? Shut those damn Canadians up! A Canadian equivalent of the DMCA was recently introduced and thankfully shot down like I’m going to finally shoot down Santa Claus this Christmas. I’ve been hunting that man since I was 3, but this year the favor is on my side: I got a sidewinder missile for Ground-to-Air holiday cheer.

Also recently a Sony BMG litigation “expert” admitted that the record labels were losing money from the lawsuits (source: Read This). Something about bad publicity as well as the settlements not covering the costs required to file the suits. Very nice. If we all line up like lemmings an download at full speed, the record labels will run out of money sooner or later. (8.5 billion dollars and 200 million bankrupt Americans later and we might finally start making some progress…)

All I can say is I am glad I don’t work for them.