Anonymous gang-banging Scientology
As most of the internet knows, Anonymous recently decided that they have had enough of the Cult of Scientology. The reasons are many for the recent attacks, and the legality of some of their tactics are questionable, but the means bring about at least one end for everybody: laughs. Well, except for the Church of Scientology. Surprisingly, there hasn’t been that much of a reaction from them. No matter though, let the lulz continue.
Right now the whole thing is a big joke, but there is nothing wrong with that. The one thing I love about Anonymous is their wicked sense of humor. I am sitting in one of their IRC channels right now and the conversation is absolutely hilarious. Its so funny that I think we should throw idiots like Dane Cook off the stage and instead have a movie-theatre sized screen showing a stream from an Anonymous IRC channel.
Anon25: Hai guys we attack scientology.org tonight 68.178.153.227
Anonymous52: Chargin mah lazerz
Anon25: NO WAIT CHANGE TARGET TO 127.0.0.1
Anonymous52: NEW COORDINATES ENTERED
Black-Anon: …
Anonymous52: GOGOGO FIRE THE SPLONGCAT!
(10:42:50 AM) Anonymous52 left the room (quit: Ping Timeout).
SuprAnon: Did he just DDOS himself?
Anon25 entered the room.
Anon25: ZOMG ZOMBIES!!! SCIENTOLOGISTS HAXED ME BACK!
Of course, if Anonymous wants to be taken seriously, then they will have to do more than just DDOS Scientology websites, hand out fliers at Scientology Churches, and knock themselves out. They need to look big and fearsome, they need to look like they could kill a man just by looking at them, they need to look like they have exploding yellow vans (actually, Fox News already took care of that).
To project that image, Anonymous needs to start taking their “raids” more serious. I suggest they start taking an example from Al-Qaeda:
Anonymous Suicide Bombings
Step1: Run into Scientology Church with paper and pencil.
Step2: Divide by zero on said paper and pencil.
Step3: ????
Step4: Profit!
The resulting black hole from dividing by zero would be catastrophic to the surrounding area. Survival rate of planet: 0.0% A quick depiction:
The LEEEEROY JENKINS!
This is a plan to lay out very meticulous plans regarding the destruction (or at least disruption) of a Scientology plans. I mean all-out weeks and weeks “Ocean’s 11″ wannabe “we even know the location of their spare light bulbs” type of planning. Documentation of fire alarm handles will be included in meticulous floor plans (just in case we want to get them a little wet), as well as the structural integrity of every wall at every point (just in case they need to make an emergency exit they can tear through a wall like James Bond in Casino Royale).
Then after all that planning, on the day of the raid, one idiot Anonymous runs in too early yelling “LEEEEEERRROOOOY JEEENKINS! … only to get the entire group arrested for trespassing.
Caturday
This is the caturday attack. Anonymous waits until it is caturday, upon which they will overrun Scientology buildings with cats that talk like a retarded 10 year old. Getting cats that actually talk may be a bit of a challenge, but it appears that re-runs of Tom and Jerry might make for a reliable source.
Battle of the Gods
Flying Spaghetti Monster vs. Xenu. Need I say more? The God of the Internet vs. the All Powerful Intergalactic Prince. It would be almost as good as the Celebrity Death Match when Michael Jackson got wiped all over the floor by Britney Spears. Two attention whores, one fight.
Some other lame internet memes!
<Insert Here> some other stupid internet meme. Anonymous has a ton of them, and given enough spamming of the memes I am positive that the members of the Church of Scientology will lose more than a few IQ points. But is that a good thing? They are already brainwashed idiots, I am almost afraid that if they are any more stupid then that would result in the Church being more abusive than it already is.
Interesting post. Are the scientologists all that bad? I’d heard they brainwash people into handing over money. But, what other things to do they do? Do they have a huge following in America?
Its not the individual scientologists that are “bad”, its more just the leaders and the organization. Such as in the way some nations view the United States, in which we are portrayed as greedy, gluttonous pigs. Sure, there are some of us who are like that, and our government is definitely guilty of many injustices (torture, domestic surveillance, etc.), but most citizens are decent people.
Other sites such as http://www.xenu.net/ could explain scientology better than I could. Basically they are responsible for the harassment of critics, and the deaths of a number of their members.
Thank you - I’d heard a little about them, but not heaps. I notice they seem to try to recruit rich celebrities - I suppose that way, they get money and get to promote their cause all in one go. A bit like politicians really!
I don’t honestly think everyone thinks American’s are greedy. The are injustices all over the world. But America probably gets more of the blame due to it’s size.
Probably, the earlier American shows we used to get over here like Dallas and Dynasty clouded people’s views of Americans. And also those shows where they have real people discussing their problems - like Ricki Lake. There’s one with a guy, I’ve forgotten his name - and he has some really weird people on there - very OTT.
I will check out the site you mentioned. Thanks.