Top 10 Worst Bands

Avril Lavigne

With the release of her new album, a lot of her old fans claim that she has sold out. Her sound is more pop sounding, more mainstream, and just terrible, like she lost her edge or something. I disagree completely. She has always sucked. From the first day this snotty little brat started singing about skater boys and how much crap her life is, she got dumped into the same bin where I throw all all the local teenage girl poets. Unfortunately with the release of her single, “Girlfriend”, every radio station on earth is spewing her crap as if it was a great work of art. She sounds exactly like she did on her first album! She hasn’t lost her edge, she never had an edge! She has always been pop sounding. With that said, I am sick of hearing her new single everywhere from the radio to the girls trying to sing it in class. It is one of the crappiest songs that I have ever heard.

Hawthorne Heights, Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, AFI, any other emo band.

Hey, they are emo. Their music sucks. If I want to get depressed and into a mood to cut myself up, I will go to a bar and start hitting on the girls there. I don’t need to listen to crappy music to get into the mood. In fact, doing so may make me too depressed to cut myself. Listening to music is supposed to make you feel good, not like you are a worthless pile of crap (even if that is what you really are).

All American Rejects

These guys run in the same vein as Avril. Pop and crap, flattened out and molded into a nice little disk for you to ravage your ears with. This band falls into the self pity crap that emo bans love to drone on and on about, and yet their music sounds like pop. What does this make them? Emo? Pop? We need to make a new category for the All America Rejects. “Just Plain Crap.” That is just generic enough that we can stick every other band that sucks into there. The only reason I can’t simply ignore this band is because all of the girls around me are drooling over the lead singer. Apprently he is attractive or something. If someone would lend me a prybar I would fix that problem right up. No longer would girls be exclaiming “OOOMGG! THE SINGER FROM ALL AMERICAN REJECTS IS HOT!” Hey, its like taking care of two problems at the same time.

Nickleback

The crown of faking a bad-ass attitude have to definitely be Nickleback. Its like they are trying to be black, but they aren’t and it just isn’t working. Its like Eminem trying to rap. Okay Nickleback, you go and do some slow ballads that many couples have as “their song.” Some of them could even be considered love songs. Then you turn around and play a song like “Animals” where they truly try to act like they are “playas.” MAKE UP YOUR MIND! I don’t want anymore of this confusing in-between crap. You are either a soft-going ballad weenie, or a hard rocking menace to society. Stop doing both just to attract a larger fan base. That is what sell outs do.

Killswitch Engage

Unlike Nickleback, Killswitch Engage knows exactly where it is throwing its lot in. Hard rock screaming music all the way. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cut it either. What I mean is, you actually have to be good if you are going to be playing metal. Anybody can get up there and scream until their voice goes out on them. In fact, that is what my future band will do. It takes skill to actually turn it into music, sill that Killswitch Engage does not have. Learn to play your instruments. It sounds like the same drumming is being used on every song. The guitars are just one big jumbled mess of crap. You can’t make out any riffs or anything! There are so many more bands out there that actually have talent.

Reliant K

First off, I have nothing against Christian bands. In fact, I love many Christian bands such as Edgewater, Skillet, and Pillar. The problem with Reliant K is that they use guitar riffs that could be made by a two year old, and the lyrics are obviously tailored towards teenage girls driving around in Jettas. To top things off, the band seems to be moving further away from Christian music, which is the only thing that brought them any attention at all. I wouldn’t be surprised, nor disappointed, if they fell off the edge of the Earth within the next year. Then I wouldn’t have to hear anymore teenage girls wearing crosses and “I HEART JESUS!” shirts attempting to sing their poorly created songs.

The Fray

Question: What sounds like a drunken monkey attempting to sing through its nose? Hint, he is the lead singer to The Fray. Its Isaac Slade! Everybody is going crazy for The Fray’s single, “How to Save a Life.” I honestly can’t figure out why anybody likes it. It sounds like Isaac had some serious nasal problems when he sang this song, or they substituted a drunken monkey for him on this one song. Honestly, I sing like that when I am asleep! Its a good thing that he is slurring his words so badly. Check out these lyrics.

“I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth”

Just a lovely little package of sad lyrics for you. Go cry and stab yourselves out. Maybe I will start liking The Fray the next time I put on my makeup, black hair dye, and hang out with the circus freaks in town.

System of a Down

Why System of a Down is so popular is anybody’s guess. Their actual music isn’t too bad. The guitars are good, the drumming is great, but what is going on with their lyrics? How stoned do you have to be before all that weird crap starts flowing out of your mouth? I read somewhere that System of a Down’s lead singer, Serj Tankian, is into abstract poetry. I would say! Yet not even I would say anything like that after I have had several rounds of hard liquor, and I say some pretty stupid crap when I am drunk (or at least thats what my friends tell me, I don’t really remember it myself). I’m not sure what the purpose of their crazy, non-sensical lyrics are. To draw attention? Well it lost mine.

Snow Patrol

I don’t think there is any other band out there who makes their songs sound so similar. Every single song! I just don’t hear any difference, no matter what album it is on, no matter what the lyrics are. Its like listening to Hoobastank, except worse. Everybody take some slow melodic beat and softly sing some lyrics that are hardly comprehensible! You could be the next Snow Patrol. How are they even becoming popular? Somebody needs to put an end to this pathetic group, and while they are at it they should whipe out Coldplay. Nobody likes that dumb band either.

Green Day

If Green Day could leave behind their politically charged songs and just play for the hell of it, their songs may not be too bad. Nope, they have to throw in a bunch of their misaligned political messages and just ruin everything. That and they have to start going all sad emo style on us. It seems every band is doing that. The Boulevard of Broken Dreams? Sounds like it could be the title of the newest Dashboard Confessional album. Check out these deep lyrics:

“Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again”

Oh the pain, the pain, and everything that follows. The bleeding hearts that we plater all over our mech! Note the use of the stars. For some reason the emo kids I know are fascinated with them. Oh, and you have to love the makeup that Billy Joel wears. Sexy guys wear makeup? Nope, stupid emo kids who cut themselves wear makeup, to “hide the pain and suffering in their life.” Or to “be original,” just like every other emo kid that hangs in their clique. I have trouble remembering which.