How to Not be Mainstream
So everybody wants to be an original? Perhaps you have heard of that saying, “Just be yourself and you will be original enough.” Whoever thought that up failed to realize that there are just under 7 billion people on this planet. Last I checked, there weren’t 7 billion different styles. In order to be “cool” and “hip” many people have chosen to follow one of a few styles, which has become mainstream. This is my guide on how to avoid looking like everybody else.
Now of course, we have to identify the enemy. We have to know what we don’t want to be in order to not be it on accident. Looking like one of these people marks you as dumb and, worse, mainstream.
Jock/Prep
Of course, everybody loves the preps and the jocks. They are the popular kids, after all. Too bad everybody tries to be them, the image is completely worn out. Everybody has the shirt from American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, or some other worthless rag shop just to prove they can look like all the cool kids. Time to break your own path and stop being a walking billboard. These people are more or less the reigning champs right now not only because of their large numbers but also their increased aggressiveness and physical superiority.
Nerds/Geeks
This is one of the harder groups to calculate the numbers of, mainly because very few of them will admit to fitting into this clique. When you see a large group (large being 5 or more) of these people coming after you, and they are all dressed the same, you know that they can’t really be that original anymore. Thats right folks, even the nerds and geeks are getting overrun by look-alikes, mainly consisting of people from their own group. Nerd pride organizations have sprung up across the country, with slogans such as “Nerd Today, Boss Tomorrow.” Shirts from t-shirt sites have begun to come up with shirts that say stuff like “Speak nerdy to me.” Yes, nerds are definitely becoming popular, not that there is anything wrong with that (they can fix my computer). It would be wrong to become a nerd for several reasons.
- If you are reading this, you aren’t smart enough to be one.
- If you are smart enough and you are reading this, you soon won’t be smart enough.
- More and more people are becoming nerds. Nobody likes lemmings (unless they are roasted on a stick).
- Nerds are the repellent of babes, until they are 40-something and have a ton of money. Do you really want to wait that long to get laid?
Emo
Ah yes, the over growing attention contest that is Emo. Who can mess up their haircut the most? Who can bleed the blackest blood? It is all a stupid contest that you want nothing to do with. Guys wearing make up? The last time I put anything on my face was at a face painting booth when I was three. These people act like it is Halloween all year round! What weenies. I guess the worst part of this is that society is embracing them as being unique. Oh yes, all three of you look unique when I can’t tell you apart when you are walking down the halls? Oh, and do you now how many good bands have gone bad because they fell to emo-ism? The lostprophets are a case in point. So I now have proof that:
1) Emoism corrupts good people.
2) Emo guys like to play dressup all year long.
3) Emoism is the bottom of the barrel when it comes to losers.
4) Being emo makes you look like Harry Potter (and act like him).
Old People
Perhaps the most populous of these groups are the old people. They are also the most aggressive at recruitment efforts. Due to this, it seems that everyone eventually falls into this group of bingo players and tapioca eaters. Sad, too bad they didn’t have the will to resist getting old. This group is perhaps the most annoying due to their slow driving and affinity for pets and grandchildren.
Don’t fall into their trap! Liberate yourself and come to the truly non-conformist side! As an added bonus, we have free nachos and hot chicks - the perfect combination for anybody.