Rashy.org

Everybody is hating on MySpace these days, I guess they just don’t see the postive side of things. There are many excellent things about MySpace that nobody thinks about from day to day. For one thing, it gives all those teenagers something to talk about at school, something to lift the dreariness of their life.

Lurking Sex Predators

Want to be lured in by a sex predator? Enjoy being savagely raped? There is no better place than MySpace for fulfilling your desires. In fact, you don’t even need to look for them, they will come to you! For example, this was found in my inbox:

Hiya :-

I was somewhat bored so I went online to see what was going on. I came across your profile and wanted to send you a little note. I think you live in my area, and I liked that too I’m looking for something casual in the beginning and would like to play it by ear for the rest. I recently became single again after a long relationship. I carry no baggage so don’t worry! I’m young, sexy and in very good shape. I work out often, but I’m not crazy-obsessive about it. I also like watching tv and going to the movies. I also love drinking coffee. I hope you’ll want to contact me. I’m using my cousin’s account, so don’t respond directly however. Use my private email instead: childers_s_kate at yahoo.

See you soon!

No, that isn’t suspicious at all! It defininetly must be a sexy young woman seeking a close and personal relationship. She even left a little picture of herself. Ignore the red eyes, that isn’t Lucifer himself possesing her.

More Friends Than Ever Before

Ever feel like a loner? Ever wish you had more friends? Well no worry, you can be friends with people whose name you don’t even know! Its not a popularity contest, but whoever has the most friends on MySpace is obviously the coolest kid on the block. With over 100+ million users, you could potentially befriend almost 1/3 of the American population!

Being a loner is a thing of the past. Nerds everywhere are rejoicing with their freshly “pimped” profile because they can have “cool kids” for friends… that are halfway across the States.

I think a point system should be assigned to the friend system, so that even if you don’t have the most friends you still have a chance to win. For example:

• Count the number of friends. 1 point each.
• How many are strippers? 10 points each.
• Number that fit into cliques (nerd, stoner, jock, etc.)? 2 points each.
• Number of parents/relatives? -15 points each
• How many top friends are of the opposite sex? 5 points each.
• If you are on the top friends list of somebody famous, add 100 points.
• If you are emo, or listen to emo music, take your current score and multiply it by -1.

Now we can figure out who is truly the biggest champion loser of MySpace.

Self Induced Seizures

Every once in a while I enjoy a good seizure. It helps keep your brain clear, and your neural connections neat and orderly. Of course, inducing a seizure upon yourself can be quite difficult. Surely something that is so beneficial to your health wouldn’t come so easily!

MySpace has become an unintentional vehicle for inducing seizures upon its users, and has probably single handedly led to the enourmous increase in seizures in the United States. Get one quick and easy: Free Seizures!. Be sure to stare at the center of the screen for the best results. Of course, once people started figuring out that MySpace could be used as a medium, many people started building their pages simply to create a seizure: Intentionally creating a seizure!.

Listen To Upcoming Bands

Many bands that were nothing created a MySpace account to start drawing in fans. And they are still nothing. Has anybody wondered why some of the “Upcoming” bands have been upcoming for the past 10 years? They aren’t fresh and hot anymore, they are old nasty men who still dream of being stars with babes.

Okay, so some bands have gotten big on MySpace, like Metric. They have an astonishing 75,000 fans. Oh, Atreyu sells more albums than that on the first day of release. Being an internet celebrity has never meant less.

Watch “Exciting” Videos

MySpace features its own video section, something that could rival YouTube. Or not. Some of the highly entertaining videos I have seen on MySpace Video is somebody’s dog chowing down on a bowl of food. Now this dog was really attacking that bowl, he must have been hungry. At least one of us enjoyed those 30 seconds of jaw crunching action.

Of course, among the more popular videos are those of teenage skanks doing little strip teases for their boyfriends… who was just a asshole enough to put it on the internet for the entertainment of his friends and inadvertently the rest of the world. I don’t know about the rest of the people that ever get onto Myspace, but I am not really into jailbait. There is a guy at the local prison named “Bubba.”

Speaking of prison, you shouldn’t shoplift either. Or at least, don’t get caught doing it.