Graduation Rings
Graduation Rings
Well it is that time of year, ladies and gentlemen. Your sons and daughters are getting their diplomas and getting out of town! Of course, they aren’t leaving before they have a chance to get completely wasted at a killer party. Another thing they want before they leave: a graduation ring. Let me get this straight, you are going to buy a ring that costs at least a couple hundred dollars to celebrate graduating from high school?
Lets get a few things clear here. High school graduation is not that great. Anybody can graduate from high school. Even my dog graduated from high school, and with a 4.0 GPA! I can’t believe how everybody is making such a big deal about it. I got a card in the mail the other day, it said something like “Congradulations! You are graduating from high school!” Well then… Congradulations! You are a moron for having any doubt that I wouldn’t! The only good part about it is that it came with a check for $50.00. Perhaps I can tolerate some more of these cards if they keep coming with money!
Now back to the rings. They aren’t even that cool looking! They are big ugly pieces of deformed metal. Just about the only thing that they are good for is hitting people with, and yet even then only the preps get rings. When was the last time you saw a prep get into a fight? Thugs wear jewelery that is, well, not as gay.
Also the rings are ugly. I’m not talking about simply undesirable, but UGLY! They have all these little engavings on them that you have to squint at to make any sense out of. The stones are fake, I am sure the “metal” is just plastic that was sprayed to look and feel like metal. Good job, you just got ripped off over something that looks like crap.
Currently it seems that Jostens is the biggest player in the class ring market. They also sell the caps, gowns and everything else. Talk about a monopoly! Also everybody looks like lemmings. Poorly dressed lemmings at that. In order to break the monotony, I will be wearing a toga to graduation, and sporting a self-made ring. In fact, lets run Jostens out of business! Here is how to make your own class ring:
Make your own ring!
1. Find yourself a piece of metal. It can come from anywhere, I took mine from my car. You can also use silverware, knife blades, or a chain link. Ideally it should be as much of a rectangle shape as possible.
2. Start bending the metal into a ring shape. Heating it may be required. Please use adult supervision when working with flames, we don’t want any idiots burning themselves. On second thought, idiots shouldn’t be doing this anyway.
3. Finish bending the metal into a ring shape. Grab a wielding torch and wield it shut. To ensure that the ring isn’t too small to fit on your finger, you may need too wield it shut while it is on your finger. Additionally, wielding it to your finger will ensure that you never lose it.
4. Add a nice finishing touch to your ring. Something that will help you beat the snot out of those you hate will work best. I chose a trident. Go ahead and wield that onto your ring too.
You can also engrave your name or class year onto your ring. This was something I never really understood. Are you going to forget your name, or the year that you graduated? I might forget when I graduated, but who cares? Its not like it is that big of a deal.