Ketchup is the most amazing substance on Earth. In fact, those squeezed out tomatoes are the very lifeblood of this planet, it is even red like blood. Without it, I am certain that civilized society could exist cause even with it, as is, we can barely claim to be civilized. Simply put, I love ketchup and it loves me. No! Love is not a strong enough word for my feelings towards ketchup; the English language doesn’t have a word that completely describes how I feel about ketchup. So what happens when I run out of ketchup? Well I go by some more of course. Okay, what happens when I run out of money? I steal it, duh! And when the store runs out of ketchup?

MASSACRE!

Of course, it was a lot bloodier and there were many more bodies than this, I just got lazy when drawing. I think in all, I did in every employee of WalMart, Safeway, Rosauers, Top Foods, the 7-11 Store, and my room mate. I am pretty sure that the only person who saw it coming was the 7-11 guy, he almost reached his shotgun before I got him. I suppose when you are robbed several times a year, you develop a pretty fast reflex for your gun. But anyways, how can they all run out of ketcup at the same time? It is inhumane!

Here are some of my theories on how we ran out of ketchup:

• Tomatoe farmers on strike! They hate to see their beautiful crop smashed up into a delicious liquid.
• In order to sell more ketchup, Heinz launches a “Killer Tomato” ad campaign. Media Defender and MPAA team up against Heinz, claiming copyright infringement of the 1991 movie Killer Tomatoes Eat France!
• In order to cripple the American economy, terrorists targeted ketchup storage facilities. Little did they know, all they did was piss me off.



• Store managers have decided to pull ketchup from the shelves in order to make room for the hotter selling mustard.
• In a desperate bid to prove herself to me, some girl chugged all of the ketchup in the area.

If you ever see my ketchup, I really want it back. I have been desperately sad without ketchup. I have taken to eating fry sauce. This is a disgrace upon my humanity! Please, save me from my withdrawal symptoms!