This Is Where The Flusher Is!

When I enter a public bathroom, nothing is more bliss to my nose than the smell of rotting urine that has been sitting in a toilet for the past several hours, or days. It has become an art form: many young men across the country are trying to perfect the technique.

NO! It is so disgusting seeing that people cannot figure out where the flush handle is. I want to use a public bathroom without having to deal with this!

Aside from the stench, there are some serious health issues at hand.

Health Issues

Toilet Snakes

Nobody is entirely sure where toilet snakes come from. Some say they live in the u-bend of the toilet and wait until you are seated before it strikes at your backside; but this is just an old wive’s tale used to scare off the little kids. In reality, Toilet Snakes live in the sewer and are attracted to the smell of urine left in a toilet. When they sense an approaching person, they disguise themselves as poop in hopes that they will simply be flushed back down into the sewer. Don’t be fooled! If you see a toilet snake, don’t even approached the toilet bowl. They are are very poisonous: a toilet snake is one of the primary carriers of Hepatitus A and B. Instead, back away slowly and call your mommy for help. Screaming like a little girl may be necessary depending on the size of the toilet snake.

Corrosion

Human waste is known to be one of the most vile substances on Earth. It has been known to corrode the porcelain of a toilet bowl over time, and could easily melt the soles of your shoes. For this reason, it is important to flush human waste into the sewer system where rats and other vermin can consume the waste. Sure, the rates may get some kind of radiation poisoning and becoming giant monsters that will wreck… but at least you don’t have to deal with the waste burning through your tile floor. That floor cost a lot of money! Not to the stench would drive away all the girls. Besides, what do you think we have a SWAT team for?

There have been rumors that the U.S. Government is looking into human waste as a chemical weapon. After noticing the effectiveness with which monkey’s use their feces in combat, federal research labs across the United States begin working on ways to mass produce the waste and use it in missiles. Fortunately, they haven’t realized how easy it would be for them to attach collection tanks to our house’s drain pipe.

Why?

So why don’t people flush the toilet when they are done?

Germs

This is a more common cause for the girls. “Ewww! Its got germs on the handle!” Oh no! Not the germs! Maybe that is why we wash our hands after we are done using the potty. Lets see, spend 20 seconds washing your hands (which is good hygeine practice anyway), or suffer the consequences mentioned above? I don’t think the choice is very hard.

It reallly irks me when guys say stuff like this. You sissy. Those germs are microscopic, and you are like 6′0″ and 175 lbs. Maybe more, depending on your diet. Its not like they can hurt you. So get over it, its not like you are sparkling clean anyway. Guys are so infected with disease and bacteria and all that other crap that a little more won’t make any difference. Oh, and take a shower at least once a week.

Mal Intent

This is done by those people who like to be mischevious. Nobody is entirely sure why they do it. Perhaps it is to exact some kind of revenge on the world. Or maybe just the next person to use the restroom. Grow up.