You may not realize it, but in the service industry, the workers complain about the customers as much as the customers complain about the workers. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? Fortunately most customers are tolerable, but there are some that just really get under our skin and make us wish we could just reach out and smack them. So I think I have here the top ten (or so) worst customers to deal with. Don’t be one of them.
After my stint at McDonald’s and a few months of rest and relaxation, I decided it was time to get a new job. This was about a month ago that I made that decision, and I ended up landing another job at a food joint. With all this experience in food, I am thinking of giving up my engineering major and going for a culinary position… or not. I don’t want to be an old man and still in the fast food industry. But anyways, it was while working the other day that I realized I support underage gambling, and I liked it.
If you write something like this at the end of a job, you know you had a bad stay. The funny thing is, I loved most of my coworkers and managers, it was just one or two of them that made everything hell, and brought particular hilarity towards the stunts I pulled while I did work there. (more…)
There are just some things I hear at McDonald’s that make me think, “Did they really just say that? So much for that customer, she won’t be coming back for a long time.” These are the things that make you wonder why people go to fast food joints, and why the FDA hasn’t shut them down yet. Well here are those things that you won’t shouldn’t hear at the McDonald’s in your neighborhood. (What do I have against McDonald’s of all places?)
Reading this is pretty simple, just take the big phrase and put it in front of the smaller phrases below it. If you work at a store feel free to use these. Bonus points if you record it and send it to me. Extra bonus points if you are a customer and manage pull something like this off.
After being told that I could not pursue the career of an astronaut, I started looking into other, more viable, options. As my high school requires a “13th year plan” in order for me to graduate, I wrote up the following summaries for my teacher.
This career would take advantage of my many skills, such as these.
Leadership. It takes a good leader to lead a bunch of men to their deaths.
Mathematics. You have to know how many men you have, and how many they have. No sense going into battle if you are down on numbers, right? Plus I might have to count how many dead.
Speech. There is nothing like a rousing speech to encourage your soldiers. I might even be able to convince them that they might just live.
Muscle. The strongest man lives. Too bad that isn’t me…
I feel that I am overqualified for this job, but that will just make it more fun. Having a mentor like Alexander the Great, Francis Cortes, and William Tell will really help me along my career path.
Don’t laugh. This is serious: I would make an excellent pope. Since I love world peace as much as the next shotgun-owning squirrel/brother-hunting sit-in-a-rocking-chair-all-day-long southern hick, I could easily promote peace between Muslims and Catholics. Then one day we could join hand in hand and sing songs about love and God/Allah and whatever other crap we want. Here is my agenda for when I become pope:
1. Abolish the nations of Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, U.A.E, Kuwait, Pakistan, and any other Islamic nations, and create the single nation of Rash-istan. Peace in Middle East accomplished. Don’t like your new nation? Too bad, I will nuke you.
2. Order my armies to invade England and end that “protestant” B.S. once and for all. One religion to rule them all.
3. As the Catholic Church starts to collapse from criticism, launch a final attack on the United States, wasting whatever army I had left.
4. Switch sides to Buddhism and move to Antarctica.
5. The Eastern and Western world will destroy itself, leaving Antarctica the only part of the world left. My penguins and I can enjoy the new world peace I promised.
Pope works as the perfect job for me because I can draw on many of the skills necessary for a conquistador.
Oh wait… I already am one.
Its time to forget that I can’t sing. Or play an instrument. Or an imagination. Or lyric writing skills.
Here is what I do have though: girl-picking-up skills, emo slandering skills, screaming skills. Perhaps I should look into a band similar to Rise Against, Atreyu, or Skillet. Anybody can scream with a heavy guitar/drum background. Being a rock star would be perfect for me. I could meet all my idols and live the life of luxury. Arguing with my record label would be no problem as I argue with everyone else. And if I hook up with a band that has really talented members, I could just ride off their skill and fame.
This is a demanding job field, and very rewarding (and risky). There is a short supply of pirates these days, making it the perfect job for me. Here is my plan to pursue this career:
Gain a ship. What’s that? You want me to buy it? Nope. With a 2 inch knife, I will single-handedly steal a Canadian naval ship. Does Canada even have a battle ship?
Hire a crew. Warning: salaries may be delayed… forever.
Avoiding detection from naval vessels (that haven’t been stolen by me…) will be difficult. This challenge will stimulate my mind and help my education grow throughout my life (no matter how short it may be).
Shut up you faggot, don’t tell my I can’t do this job. I can do whatever I want.
Is this even a real job? It must be… many people live like it every day. Here is why this job would be good for me:
Apathy. This fits my attitude perfectly. I can be apathetic every day and be content with myself.
Bum Fights. There is nothing like a good bum fight to brighten my otherwise dull life. I hear the bums in Seattle get good rates in spectator events.
Begging. I already do this everyday. “Please boss… I want a raise!” “Please honey, I want sex!” “Please mommy… I want a dollar to pay my girlfriend for sex!”
Hobos/Bums have a very low turn out rate. The job security is perfect for me!
