I went traveling this week. Yes, I actually left the darkness of my house. So I went abroad, and I noticed a few ads that bothered me. Intrusive ads in general always have bothered me, especially ones that made amazing clais that I am confident couldn’t be backed up. One of the most prominent advertisements is Cingular’s “Fewest Dropped Calls” ads. Another one that is really bothering me is the “natural male enhancement” ads for Enzyte, or any other “male enhancer” for that matter. Ads for lawyers? They are going to get ripped apart too.
It seems that Cingular is making another desperate grab for attention. Notice that little asterisk at the end of their message? They may have the fewest dropped calls, but so does Verizon, and, in select cities, does Sprint. To make this easy for you: some idiot in Cingular made a big deal out of a false claim. Somebody sue Cingular before this gets out of hand (except it is already ridiculous).
The best part about this is that it doesn’t even mention pricing. When I was most recently looking at cell phones, I found that Cingular was much more expensive than Sprint. I guess nobody cares about pricing anymore; money is readily available in the United States, so lets throw it all away for some company that makes claims it can’t really back up! Well here is a claim that I can back up: I have the most dropped calls. I even have the picture to prove it.
Eat poop Cingular. Nobody cares that you have the least dropped calls. In the several years of having a phone with your competitor, I have never had a dropped call. I have been hung up on multiple times by disgruntled girlfriends, but that is slightly different. You would think minimal static would be something to boast about. What does Cingular tell its customers? “We won’t drop your call, too bad you can’t understand what your friend is saying through all the static!”
Enzyte
Who has the most annoying commercial of all time? It isn’t those stupid “priceless” Master Card commercials. Its Enzyte. “The once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement!” Give me a break. The only enhancement you will get out of those pills is a high pitched, cracky voice. Justin Timberlake provides a case in point.
They could have improved the commercial significantly if they had started it out with something like:
“Meet Bob. It looks like our friend Bob enjoys the lift he is getting from a swift kick to the ovaries.”
Speaking of ovaries, is Bob even a man? I am pretty certain that anybody who can smile like that is too feminine to respectfully call themselves a man. The same goes for the leading actor on every “male enhancement” commercial. “I take ‘Maxoderm’ to increase by bundle and please the ladies.” Good grief! If you need a pill to impress the woman, you aren’t man enough to be chasing women. In fact, you must be so womanly you should be attracted to men!
Finally I get to the ads for lawyers! What is up with these greedy, blood sucking animals? Its almost as if they are encouraging you to break the law so you have to hire a defense lawyer. When I was out of town, a local law firm had an ad on the radio that said “Don’t lose your license for a DUI! Give us a call and we will keep you on the road!” Uh, what? Drink and drive all you want, its not dangerous, and you won’t go to jail over it? Okay! *Fatal crashes related to drunken driving increase by 200% in that county*
The way they make women appear victimized, especially during divorces, is despicable. The only two groups of idiots who haven’t figured out that men and women are equal are divorce lawyers and feminists. Isn’t it funny how both groups depend on “inequality” between men and women in order to survive? Its killing time.
