Rashy.org

So I am riding my bike to class (similar in style as Steve Carrel in the 40 Year Old Virgin), when all of a sudden some familiar words appear on the path below my tires. Apparently there are some /b/tards or Anons living on campus with me. Well, with 17,000 kids and an excellent nerd-packed College of Engineering I guess I would be stupid to think that there isn’t at least one out there.

First some background information. Every so often an activist group takes chalk and writes a bunch of crap all over the paths and sidewalks. Usually it is “creative” and “clever” and certainly not phrases taken from 12 year old internet trolls, such as “Drop Bush, Not Bombs.” Well recently this has picked up quite substantially, possibly due to the warmer weather. Sayings both for and against abortion, against the war (hell, nobody seems to be for it anymore), and inspiring sayings about how good education is for you (has the University’s executive board stooped to this level too?) have cropped up all over campus, as well as a funny retorts to the sayings. One of my particular favorites said “Anyone can be a victim of rape.” Well I know a couple of people that pray for that, because that is the only sex they will ever get! Anyways, back on topic, even announcements for activities are written on the sidewalk! So the writing is getting pretty old. Until today.

I was reading the writing today because it was rather larger and more pronounced than most of the writings, and after realizing what it was, I almost doubled over my handlebars in laughter. It was a Rick Roll! On the sidewalk! Don’t believe me? I took a handful of pictures. I turned up the contrast and downed the brightness so you can actually see the chalk.

I got off my bike to read it all. Another biker was looking at the writing as he was riding by, but drifted off the path and hit the rock on the top left of this picture.




Apparently these nerds didn’t pass calculus though. This was attached to the end of the exclamation points.

Just in case you can’t see it from above:

I think this is what they meant, which would be a reference to a Maddox article (this one in particular).

As I was taking these pictures everybody that was walking by was reading it. Many where asking “Where is this from?” A few were trying hard to not giggle like little school girls (heh, most of them were school girls). Older people that were passing by had a look that said “Why the hell are these lyrics written here?” Great reactions! Well done to whoever did this! I would like to shake your hand.

Additionally, here is a video I took as I walked down the path with my camera: View the Video! (had to put it on YouTube for bandwidth reasons).

It seems that with the cult following that Ron Paul has, he would have at least pulled in a state or two. Well here are my theories as to why Ron Paul didn’t sweep the Republican primaries.

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Well the 2008 elections are coming… next year. There are a ton of candidates! They all suck though. Hillary Clinton has her head stuck up her ass, Rudy Giuliani is a douche bag about the whole 9/11 thing, Barack Obama is a pussy when it comes to war, and John McCain is a senile old man. That leaves us with a whole nobody to be president (cause the rest of the candidates are second-string nobodies that I don’t want in office either). I have an excellent idea: vote me to the presidency! I think you will like what I have to offer.

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So anybody who has flown recently understands exactly what I am talking about. One little blip on their metal detectors and its “Sir, remove your clothes.” Huddawhat? Its now a crime to carry change around! I feel sorry for my dad… he had a metal implant in his knee to correct his bowlegged posture. Its easier to return from hell than getting him through security. I would just like everybody to know my father surgically implanted a bomb inside his knee. (more…)

Recently some friends of mine where wondering what the FBI uses to track people down. One of them suggested Google. I did a little background searching on it, and its true. Google actually uses Google to gather information about wanted persons. In recognizing their usefulness to the FBI, Google created a special search engine for the FBI. Through methods I would rather not discuss, I have gained access to this search engine and now have a wealth of information on everybody. For example, did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger has a tattoo of a cute little bunny rabbit on the bottom of his left foot? Or that Fred Phelps is actually gay? Neither did I. But it is all available in the Google FBI Search!

So after browsing through the Google FBI Search, I realized that this is a powerful and dangerous tool for anybody to have access to. It is a immensely huge database profiling every single citizen of the United States. The profiles are incredibly detailed to. My own profile records the last time I picked my nose, and what color my booger was (it was “puke” colored). There was a profile of Greenday, and in it was the lyrics to all their crappy songs (yup, it was every single song they have ever made). Who keeps track of that kind of stuff? And more importantly, why?

Well apparently it has an importance to somebody. Perhaps my booger’s color contains a clue that will help the FBI stop an assassination attempt on the President. Or maybe Greenday’s songs have some underlying message — messages that could overthrow the government. Or maybe somebody is just paranoid, which sounds more likely to me.

Want to date a hot girl? This could be the perfect stalker tool! If you are into that kind of crap. Don’t know what to get her for her birthday? You can bet that the FBI somehow found it out. Her favorite color, type of toothbrush, thong or granny panties? Its all in there. You don’t even have to ask her for her number. I told you this is a dangerous tool. (Any girls reading this: I want to apologize in advice for preventing you from sleeping ever again, for always keeping your doors locked, and having a bottle of mace always within arms reach.)

In order to make you feel somewhat secure, this database is pretty well protected. It took me almost 2 hours to figure out how to crack all the security in place, and I have never tried to crack any database before.

There are some advantages to this database that you may not have thought of. Suspected terrorists are tracked right down to the number of hairs under their armpit. Why the number of hairs under their armpit? So that if we need to ID them, then we can just count those hairs. So rest assured: the FBI does not want a repeat of 9/11. It doesn’t matter if your privacy is invaded a thousand times over, at least you won’t die in a terrorist attack.

One of the biggest issues that bothered me was “nd How can they gather this much information?” Security cameras all over the United States would be impractical — not only would it be incredibly expensive to install, but it would become outdated very quickly and would require too much storage space to record all the information. You can’t place agents everywhere, their black suits would give them away. The solution? Animals. Every animal is an FBI agent. Don’t believe me? Look closely into your pet’s eyes. Don’t see any intelligence in there? That is because you aren’t intelligent enough to see it.

But seriously, a couple weeks ago I caught my dog talking. Talking. Want to know the scary part? He was talking about me and everything I have done in the past day. Talking. After breaking into his doghouse (I break into a lot of things), I discovered that he was sending information to the FBI headquarters in Washington DC. Also included where contacts of nearby agents. Birds, horses, even insects are on this list. Somebody in DC is very paranoid.